As an early child/pre teen, my life was full of adventures.. my parent owned 40 acres of woods and we lived in a quiet area where there were hardly any cars/traffic. We lived in a time where you felt safe, where you could ride your bike to your friend’s house 3 miles away and you knew every house along the way. We found spots to hang out, explore and used our imagination.. life was much simpler back in 1980. I was a tall, skinny kid with bruises on my knees. I biked everywhere or walked.
Then teen life hit me and it wasn’t cool to ride a bike or play in the woods. I had friends who had cars, we had jobs and ate bad junk food.. I gained and gained weight and never looked back. When I was in high school, I weighed 180.. I was called buffalo, thunder thighs, balloon etc etc. (what I would do to go back to being 180 again) after high school, I stayed the same until I got into my first real relationship at 19. He was much older than me, by 20 years. He was kind at first but aren’t they all? He had a lot of demons hidden and had a messed up childhood. He was an alcoholic and when he drank, the demons and his paranoia came out. During our 3 years together, I reached 240lbs. I was depressed and felt like I was nothing. He had made me feel like I was nothing. I finally broke away from that life and started to find out who I was again.
After 3 years of Hell, I started to lose weight and exercise. Richard Simmons Sweating to the oldies was my savior. I thought If these overweight people could move then damn it so can I!! I lost 70lbs and loved myself again. In October 1991, I met my husband through a mutual friend. I was skinnier, in love and happy. He asked me to marry him 2 months after we met and I was pregnant sept 1992. We were married Nov 1992 and our son, Thomas, was born March 1993. In 1997, our daughter Annakah was born and I was over 300lbs. I was fat, depressed, living pay check to paycheck in a slumlord’s rental with 2 kids. I couldn’t get out of my own way let alone exercise, run around with my kids or just be an active parent.
my max weight was 350. I had become a type 2 diabetic, with my triglycerides 1500 and felt like a failure as a parent. Over time, my diabetes consumed my life.. my blood sugars were 400-600 daily, Little Debbie snacks became my “drug” of choice and would chase them with a Diet Coke (because it was healthy). I hardly drank water, hardly ate anything green and definitely didn’t exercise. I feel like my poor kids suffered because of it. They didn’t have a mother who could play with them or run/chase after them, take them out on hikes or bike rides. I was smart tho and had enrolled them into sports, Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts so they would be active. I made sure they ate fruits and veggies and drank some water.
Over time , I gave up all sodas and started walking more . After we moved to Arundel, I would do yard work, walk on the beach and just breathe more. It took me over 10 years to get under 300 . In January 2020, I started weight Watchers and the gym. It’s been a hard struggle but I’ve lost 16lbs since and have never felt better. Since the gym closed in March, I’ve had to find alternative ways to exercise. I started out with my usual trails but after awhile I got bored. I rediscovered Laudholm farms in Wells and fell back in love with nature. Being amongst the trees, flowers, wind ,the smell of the ocean, sounds of the birds makes me feel so alive!! I downloaded an app called AllTrails.com and I love it.. so many new places to go and enjoy.. I’ve discovered what I’m capable of. How to push myself and how to back off when I’ve done too much. How to shut the loud noises out of my head and to listen to the peace and quiet that nature gives us.
I hope each one of you can find a place in nature and just leave your worries and stress behind you..
I’ve been a Type 2 diabetic and overweight for quite a while and decided to work on my health back in January . I joined Weight Watchers and the gym. I was so dedicated and went to the gym 3 times a week. Once the virus hit and the gym closed, I was forced to find other means of exercise. I wasn’t one to walk trails or go places I wasn’t familiar with. I had to make a decision.. do I stop working on my goals or do I find a different path? I found my inner strength and have reach an all time goal of walking 3 miles!! I thought I would never reach it but I did. I was able to lose 16 lbs and lowered my a1c from 14 to 6.5.. Not bad for an old lady of 52! ❤️
Laudholm Farms has 7 miles of trails throughout the property. One trail heads directly to Drake island/beach while others align with the salt marshes and has areas where you can sit and just listen to the Canadian geese and the waves.. it’s absolutely amazing and peaceful.
If you ever get to Wells Maine, please take time to stop by the Wells Reserve and check out the trails
Remember your first kiss? Your first crush? Your first sexual experience? I remember each one as if it was yesterday and God I miss them!
I’ve been married for 28 years in November. Our first few years were passionate but after the kids were born, we started losing interest. We tried being romantic but it was always one sided. I would try and try but I stopped seeing him as sexual partner and more like a room mate.
Today my daughter was sharing her life and how romantic her boyfriend and how passionate he was when they had alone time. I was so envious and kind of jealous. How I missed holding hands, kissing and even sex! Ha ha
My husband and I haven’t had any sexual interest for over 10 years if not more. The attraction isn’t there and I don’t think will ever be. I’ve thought of divorce, I’ve thought of running away and finding a new life. I’ve always said that I would never marry again or even date. I would love to have the single life again. Not having to clean up after anyone, not having to do everyone’s laundry , just being able to come home to peace and quiet.
But I long for that excitement of a first kiss, first embrace, first everything.. I miss that look! The look that someone gives you when they’re deeply in love with you. I want a relationship where it’s 50/50.. everyone works together to build a life. I’ve never known that. My husband who is a kind and gentle person is lazy. I’ve tried to talk to him about life but he turns the subject about my issues and how I don’t see what he actually does.. so I don’t do anything about and keep my mouth shut..is it better to live this way where I just keep my opinions to myself? Studies state that it’s hard for a woman over 50 to date or find someone.. I guess I’ll never know 😔
Life is always shifting. We have good days and bad days. Some people can handle a lot and others can barely hold on.
I’ve always been jealous of the people who can handle work, a home , family, soccer practice, dance lessons etc etc. Ones who have a clean house, time to meet up with friends, have a craft room.. you know the ones we see on the movie/TV or the mommy bloggers. I can barely function with what I have let alone manage everything else.
Balancing for me is tough. I was never officially diagnosed with ADD or any learning disorder but I truly believe I have it. My patience with completing a task is hard. Photography is the one thing I can balance without anxiety. Taking a photograph is calming to me. Waiting for the right moment to capture something remarkable.
While I was driving down Ocean ave, I noticed a few people taking photos. To my surprise, someone or some people had created stacks of balancing rocks! Each one unique and carefully designed. I parked and got out to admire such talent.
It was breathtaking!! How could someone have the patience and the skills to balance these especially on the jagged rocks!! My mind was blown away.
In 1943, Elsie and Hartley Hutchins was expecting a baby. Back then, you didn’t know if it was going to be a boy or a girl, you just knew you were having a baby.. So the story goes, my great grandmother Hazel (Elsie’s mother) worked for the Doctor who was going to be delivering Elsie’s baby. I never knew my great grandmother but from what I was told, she was no one to mess with. Elsie needed to have a C-section and was discussing her options with her doctor. They knew the baby was due roughly in August but hadn’t decided on a specific day to have the operation.. So a date was chosen and everything was being arranged. When my great grandmother went to the office the next day, Hazel took it upon herself and changed the date to August 6. You ask why THAT particular day? August 6th was my great grandmother’s birthday and she wanted that baby to be born on her day.. Well Elise wasn’t happy about it but didn’t have the courage to change it..
August 6, 1943 Sandra Jane Hutchins was born.. Elise and Hartley was thrilled! They had a son (Ronald) and now a daughter. The only problem was Elise wanted to name her Sandra JEAN. After the nurse made her way back to the desk to fill out the birth certificate , Hartley has just gotten there to visit when the nurse told him about the certificate and needed some final information. The nurse read the name and Hartley said “uhm no it’s supposed to be Sandra Jane”. Without questioning it, she immediately changed the form and that was it!!
My mom didn’t have the best life from the stories she told. Her mother suffered from mental health issues and wasn’t very kind to her daughter. My grandfather loved her so much and took her with him whenever he was on call as a wrecker driver for Christianson Ford. She recalled some of the horrible accidents she would see and how my grandfather would make her stay in the truck because someone had died.
My mom was sort of a rebel! She would tell me stories of her adventures with her brother, with friends, going to the movies, getting into trouble and stealing cigars/cigarettes from her father when she was only 13.
My mom was only 17 when she married Donald Benvie. Donald was born Jan 29, 1936 and was 24 when he married my mom Dec 1960. They had a daughter, Bambi Lynn on Feb 10, 1962. Donald had enlisted in the Air Force was stationed in California , leaving my mom here to raise their daughter alone.
Donald wasn’t the greatest of husbands. Tho he never abused my mom, he was an alcoholic and a huge flirt with other women. Unfortunately, Donald was killed by a drunk driver while crossing the street in California, leaving my mom a widow at 24.
Mom did her best to raise us.. she worked 40 plus hours as a manager/meat cutter of a local store. There were days she would leave by 7am and not get home until 8pm. She was exhausted but always put our needs above her own. She always had tuesdays off and that’s was reserved for the 3 of us! We would go bowling then out to dinner at the Glenmor restaurant. Bambi always had a burger/fries and I had the fried clams/fries. In the summertime, Grampa and mom would take us to the Kennebunk drive in to see a Disney double feature . Mom and Bambi would pass out in the back of the station wagon while Grampa and I ate popcorn and watched both movies.
Mom dated from time to time. No one really stuck around and that was ok with me.. I didn’t know any different. I had everything I needed and was happy. When I was 4, mom was set up on a date with the cousin of one of her coworkers. He was unlike any other boyfriend she had. He was hard working, educated, loved my mom and loved us kids. They married in 1975 and had my youngest sister Rebecca Ann Feb 5, 1977
Mom had found happiness when she married Dad.. She was a stay at home mom/wife and took her job very seriously. While dad worked from sun rise to sun set, he never had worry about what was happening at home. Mom had it under control! Washing, ironing, cooking, raising the 3 of us, taking care of my grandparents who lived with us etc etc. she was non stop!
In 1980, she was taken to the ER because of severe leg swelling and pain. They ran tests and found cancer in her cervix. She was told she only had 3-6 months to live. She told the doctor that she had responsibilities at home and she wasn’t planning on dying any time soon. She checked herself out of Goodall Hospital, called my dad to come pick her up and went to Maine medical for treatments. It was a difficult time for me . I was 12, taking care of a 3 year old, taking care of a set of useless grandparents and trying to make sure the house was clean and dinner made for dad. Bambi was married and living in Somersworth NH so she wasn’t any help. I did the best I could and I know she and Dad appreciated it. Mom was fussy on how other people cleaned. After being gone for what seemed like forever, she finally came home!! She was weak and tired but could still bark out orders! Ha ha ha! I had made plans to hang out with my friend Cindy a couple days after mom was home. Dad took Becky to Grammy and Grampa Skinner’s house for the day so mom could have some time to recoup. Cindy showed up at the house on her bike and came inside. Well one thing lead to another and before we knew it, Mom had us deep cleaning the house! Mom was being a dictator.. “don’t forget over there.” “Oops you missed a spot.” “No girls, you don’t do it that way”. We were exhausted by the end of the day and I don’t remember if we hung out after or Cindy went home.. I learned how to properly clean a house that day.. 🤦♀️
Fast forward to 1999…. Mom was very sick. She thought she had pneumonia because she could hardly breathe. I took her to the doctor and they did a chest X-ray. She was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. Mom had smoked since she was 13 and was smoking over 2 packs a day. The pulmonologist came in after the biopsy and told mom that she had a 5% chance of surviving this. She smiled and told the doctor at least she had 5%. Mom was strong willed and stubborn. No matter how sick she felt or run down, she never ever complained
Mom had beaten cancer twice, a ruptured appendix, a perforated bowel, a total hip replacement, many-many kidney infections, a colostomy, 2 nephrostomy tubes, a cardiac stent, and a broken shoulder twice. With all this, mom still faced every day with a strong positive attitude.
Mom loved her family so much. Besides Bambi, Becky and myself, mom and dad (unofficially) adopted our newest sister Sohka.. Sohka was best friends with Becky in high school. She had come to the US with her sister from Cambodia in the 80’s and had lost her parents. Mom and Dad had decided to step in and adopted her into our family..
In 2010, mom’s world came crashing down. Bambi had passed away from a blood clot that dislodged in her body and instantly killed her while she was sleeping. She was only 48. Mom had lost so much in her life but losing her daughter was devastating..
As years passed on, Mom started to lose her train of thought due to the many kidney infections. She was weaker, losing weight, forgetting certain details, repeating stories, falling and was spending more time in the hospital. In March of 2018, Mom was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer again and possible liver cancer. Mom wanted to pursue chemo again but the Doctor decided mom needed to go to rehab to get stronger. The wheelchair ambulance came and I could see the fear in her eyes. She held my hand while she held back the tears. I told her she could do this!! She had the will power before and by god she’ll do it again. My mom always said “This too shall pass” . When life was rough, she would smile and say those words. Dad and I met her over to St. Andres in Biddeford and got her settled in. She was determined to come home and for the first couple of weeks, she was getting physical therapy and make some real progress. Dad would come every day at 6:45am and leave by 1pm. I would be there every night by 6:45 , visit, put her to bed and leave by 9. This one particular evening, mom seemed alert and had wanted to sit up a while longer. I kissed her good night and left. I got home 20 mins later and my phone rang. It was Dad. The rehab had called . They found mom on the floor with her nephrostomy tubes pulled out of her kidneys. She was being taken to the hospital for observation and to have the tubes put back in. After that fall, mom was never the same again .
Every day , she longed to go home! She would make plans to buy lobster and invite me over. She would talk about getting her hair done at the Hair shop in North Berwick . Mom always had her hair dyed and curled. Even in her weakness, she wanted to hair her hair done. Dad made arrangements with the hair dresser at the rehab and mom was able to get her hair done! She was so happy ❤️
On June 26, 2018, Mom passed away surrounded by her husband, her daughters , her grandchildren and son in law.
She didn’t want people to be sad. She had lived a full life and wanted to be remembered as a good person. The night she passed, I vowed to be with her until the funeral home came to take her. I bathed her, dressed her in a clean Johnny, I brushed her hair and made her look her best. I didn’t want to leave her.. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. She was my world.. my shoulder to lean on and the 1 person who understood me. Dad had promised her she wouldn’t have a funeral. She wanted to be cremated and her ashes brought up into the woods to her favorite spot.
When dad and I went to the funeral home, Missy told us that we should have something like a Family gathering to say good bye and have closure. Dad wasn’t sure because he knew mom wouldn’t want a fuss but I decided we would throw a birthday party/ family reunion..
August 5, 2018, my uncle, my dad, sister and her husband, my cousins and their partners, my children, my grandsons, my husband , niece and her family travelled near and far to help celebrate Mom.
It’s been 2 years since she left this world. A dear friend told me once “life becomes different when you lose your mom”.. The world will never been the same. I have bad days and good days. There are days I just want to pick up the phone and ask her a cooking question or I’ll be in Goodwill and think “wish mom was here.”
I’ve never been private about my depression/anxiety. In fact, I wear it on my sleeve so others don’t have to feel “alone” or “hide” from it. Back years ago, depression was a taboo! I remember my grandmother saying she had a breakdown or she had bad nerves. Through the years, after hearing stories about her “breakdowns”, it seemed like she suffered from bipolar disorder or depression. But that’s just speculations.
My grandmother had sisters who also had some mental health issues. Her sister Hazel was a hypochondriac. She had a local doctor prescribed a new med every week which were “sugar pills” but different colors. She was convinced they worked until the following Monday when Dr. Koehan came to call and he would fill a new med.
So what does Fog have to do with depression? To me, it’s like being lost in a mist and you can’t find your way out.
I’ve been diagnosed with depression for approx 22 years. It first started off as postpartum depression shortly after our daughter was born. Then during her first 2 years of life, I was living in a fog. I could make some things out but I couldn’t see clearly. I can’t remember when she first walked or her first words, I see pictures and it’s fuzzy. She would ask questions about when she was a baby and I’d have to ask my husband. I felt like a worthless mother. How could I look at her and tell her I can’t remember? I beat myself for years until I realized it wasn’t my fault..
So many years I’ve lived under this title and with medication, I struggled through until 2 years ago..
2018 my life shattered when my mother died.. I went from depression/anxiety to PTSD/grief /suicidal thoughts /depression and anxiety. Wow what a mouthful! I’ve been in counseling, double my meds, seeing a Psychiatrist, been on the phone with crisis response and the suicide hotline. I’ve had days I can’t get out of bed, days I’d want to crash my car into a pole, run far far away from life, etc.. but I don’t. I stop and look at the big picture. Who would bury me? Who would watch my grandchildren? How would my family survive without me? Would this kill my dad? He had already buried my mother, my sister and both of his parents..his youngest daughter just survived cancer … I couldn’t do this to him, to anyone I love. I used to say I was too much of a coward to kill myself because my luck I’d screw it up . Not funny but it’s true. As the old saying goes.. “if I didn’t have bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all!”
There are some days that are better than others. I’m neither an optimist or a pessimist. I don’t wake up saying “Today’s going to be an awesome day”.. I wait until the end of the day to say “well today wasn’t so bad”. Some days the fog is thick where other days I can see rays of sun peeking through it.
I hope my story helps you through the storm so you can see the light at the end
Summer time in Maine has its good days and bad days. But overall, the summers here are pretty great! I have always said that I’d take a bad summer day in Maine than a good day in Florida!
Most of you know, I adore the ocean.. My daily routine is driving by Kennebunk beach at least once if not twice a day. I never get sick of it! The older I get, the more I need it. Lately I’ve been spending my evenings on Colony Beach In Kennebunkport. It’s a lot smaller than Kennebunk’s main beach, but still amazing to me.
Any body of water makes me content but there’s something mysterious and breathtaking about the Ocean. So many uncharted miles, depths and creatures yet to be discovered. My favorite part is how unpredictable the ocean can be. One moment, the waves are angry and fierce while another time, it’s calm and smooth as glass.
My fondest memories have revolved around water. Whether it be playing in the waves in Kennebunk, hanging out with friends at York beach or taking my children to Fernald shores in Lebanon when they were little.. I guess that’s why both of my children are connected to the beach just like their mother.
I was talking to one of my counselors this evening and she asked where would I go if I needed a safe place to be. First answer was the beach of course! It grounds my soul and brings me back from whatever dark place I’m in. Whether it’s the sounds of the waves, feeling the warm breeze or just the smell of sea roses as the breeze tickles my nose. It just helps my heart to heal for the moment.
Is there something in nature that helps ground you?
Brad Paisley song “He didn’t have to be” is about a single mom trying to date but is afraid that if they find out about her son, they’d take one look and turn again..
Well that’s song is how my life began. My mom was a widow when she was only 24. Raising two daughters on her own with help from her parents. She worked 40+hours , spent time with my sister and me, and would occasionally go on a date. I was 4 and Bambi was 10 when this man came to the house. He was tall, lean and kind! Bambi had rules for when a potential boyfriend came to the house. While mom was getting ready, we would sit on the floor in the living-room and just stare or she would ask so many questions.. usually the “ prey” would give her some money and we would disappear. Of course I never got any of it but what did I know, I was only 4. If there was a fellow my grandmother wanted mom to meet, Elsie would invited them to dinner without Mom knowing. Mom would be furious but would play a game where Bambi and I could misbehave and eventually the fellow would leave..
This particular Friday night, Mom was getting ready when the door bell rang, my grandfather invited him in and he sat on the couch. Bambi was prepared to attack!! She asked questions, she insulted him and all I did was stare. He felt slightly uncomfortable but then he asked what our name were and how old were we? Wow, no one had ever asked. I started to talk but Bambi shut me down fast. She proceeded with her interrogation but realized she was loosing this one. He introduced himself and asked if we wanted to play a game while waiting for mom to get done! (It was 1972 so mom had to make sure she had a lot of hairspray to hold up her beehive)
I was shocked! He wanted to play a game?!? I ran to my room and got some toys while Bambi was aggravated that he wasn’t giving her any money or sending us away.. She eventually stormed off and I knew he was the one!
Mom and he dated for 3 years when he proposed. We were going to be a real family!! I had never had a Father. I mean I had my Grampa Hutchins and my Uncle Ronnie, but I was going to have a real dad! On July 26, 1975 at St Monica Catholic Church in Kennebunkport was where the ceremony took place. There were a whole 7 people there not including the bride and groom.Grammy and Grampa Hutchins, his parents, my sister, me and a random lady who came everyday to pray. The ceremony was short and sweet. We were outside after the wedding and we got to meet our new grandparents. Grampa Skinner was so excited to finally have grandchildren, Grammy skinner wasn’t too mushy and it took awhile to warm up. They went on a 3 day honeymoon to the new house they had bought. Getting it ready for us to move in. I remember on the day they came to get us, I begged my mom to let me call him dad!! I had alway wanted to call someone Dad and now I could.
So a little back story .. Dad had never married until he met mom. Of course He dated but nothing serious. The joke is When they got married, not only did he get a wife but 2 kids, a dog, a cat, a needy set of in-laws and a mortgage.. He immediately stepped into the role of being a dad and has done An amazing job these past 45 years..
Unfortunately he’ll never read this blog but I just want him to know how much I love him and he’s done so much more than if he had been my biological father.. Anyone can be a father but it takes a real man to be a Dad!
Being from Maine, I absolutely love the ocean! My earliest memory was running around Kennebunk beach with my older sister Bambi. I think I was 3 and Bambi would have been 9. My mom and grandfather would take us out for ice cream and head to the beach so we could get our energy out before bed.. Summer was always the best. Friday night Disney double Feature at the Drive In, ice cream at Dairy Queen, making sand castles on Gooches Beach, collecting sea shells and finding sea creatures in tidal pools.
My favorite thing about summer is the wonderful smell of Beach Roses or Sea Roses as some call them. Nothing beats that fragrant smell riding in on the warm breeze off the ocean. I wish I could have a scratch N Sniff page for those who live out west and have never seen the ocean.
Beach Roses come in a few colors.. Pink, white, red and yellow are the most common. They grow mostly near a water source like a salt marsh or on the dunes.
I found a trail that ran along the river. Most of the trail was lined with beach Roses and I was in Heaven. I could have sat there all day. Everything about this was perfect.
I just wanted to share a few pictures of flowers I’ve taken over the last few years. Prescott Park in Portsmouth NH have such beautiful gardens. My favorite place is the Botanical gardens in Booth bay Maine. I hope to go back once Covid 19 is over..
The best part of living in Maine is when you find a walking trail that runs along side the marshes.. As you enjoy the warm refreshing breeze off the water, the sound of crashing waves in the distance and the fragrance of the sea rose bushes along the trail, you get to meet people and their puppies!!!
While walking today, I got to meet a 4 month old Blue Tick hound who was tired from her walk so her mommy had to carry her the rest of the way. I wanted to take a picture but I didn’t dare press my luck. We kept walking when we came across another puppy! This one was a 7 month old yellow lab and was so happy to see us but her mommy was reluctant to stop and say hi. With Covid-19 still affecting people, I’d probably keep my dogs away from stranger
This particular path was an extension of the Kennebunk bridle path I had walked last week. I walked 5 miles on the left side (western ave to Sea rd school) but the right side go from western Ave to sea road (across from the golf course) and that’s approximately a mile. I really need to invest in a Fitbit or something other than my phone to track steps.
The trail is approximately 1-1.5 miles round trip. The beginning has a lot of tree roots but overall it’s smooth sailing
After having 6 weeks off from work, I hit the ground running and came back on Tuesday. I was nervous and anxious at first but things fell back into place. Wednesday ,my client and I went to Drakes Island and walked the Jetty.. of course my 19yr old client walked the rocks like he was gliding on air! Me? Well I took every stone like a snail so I didn’t lose my balance. Note to self: bring hiking pole for every walk!! It’s a life saver
Today my other client, another staff and 2 other clients went to Cascade Falls in Saco. It’s been a few years since I hiked it but it was still amazing. My coworker and I sat at the base of the waterfall while the clients did some exploring and playing in the puddles. It was so perfect
Last but not least, I discovered a new trail. The Tatnic Hill Preserves in Wells. Tatnic is made up of several towns that are connected. Wells, South Berwick, Ogunquit and I believe York but I could be wrong. For example, my parents own a house in South Berwick. If you go into the woods and cross over the stone wall, you would be in the town of Wells. It was a great place to grow up. I tried to Google the history of the Tatnic area but I couldn’t find it. It was so long ago when I was told the meaning of Tatnic but I forgot
I found this trail on AllTrails app and decided today to try it. Should have picked a cooler day with less humidity but oh well! The map said it was only a mile but didn’t explain the hills, rocks and natural tree roots in the trail. After 50 mins and severely winded, I made it back to the car.. The Forest was breathtaking.. the canopy was green and alive with squirrels, birds and chipmunks. I’d loved the sounds of nature. Listening to the wind, the sun peeking through the trees, frogs peeping in the brooks..Sometimes the world is too loud and you just need a break.