In 1943, Elsie and Hartley Hutchins was expecting a baby. Back then, you didn’t know if it was going to be a boy or a girl, you just knew you were having a baby.. So the story goes, my great grandmother Hazel (Elsie’s mother) worked for the Doctor who was going to be delivering Elsie’s baby. I never knew my great grandmother but from what I was told, she was no one to mess with. Elsie needed to have a C-section and was discussing her options with her doctor. They knew the baby was due roughly in August but hadn’t decided on a specific day to have the operation.. So a date was chosen and everything was being arranged. When my great grandmother went to the office the next day, Hazel took it upon herself and changed the date to August 6. You ask why THAT particular day? August 6th was my great grandmother’s birthday and she wanted that baby to be born on her day.. Well Elise wasn’t happy about it but didn’t have the courage to change it..
August 6, 1943 Sandra Jane Hutchins was born.. Elise and Hartley was thrilled! They had a son (Ronald) and now a daughter. The only problem was Elise wanted to name her Sandra JEAN. After the nurse made her way back to the desk to fill out the birth certificate , Hartley has just gotten there to visit when the nurse told him about the certificate and needed some final information. The nurse read the name and Hartley said “uhm no it’s supposed to be Sandra Jane”. Without questioning it, she immediately changed the form and that was it!!
My mom didn’t have the best life from the stories she told. Her mother suffered from mental health issues and wasn’t very kind to her daughter. My grandfather loved her so much and took her with him whenever he was on call as a wrecker driver for Christianson Ford. She recalled some of the horrible accidents she would see and how my grandfather would make her stay in the truck because someone had died.
My mom was sort of a rebel! She would tell me stories of her adventures with her brother, with friends, going to the movies, getting into trouble and stealing cigars/cigarettes from her father when she was only 13.
My mom was only 17 when she married Donald Benvie. Donald was born Jan 29, 1936 and was 24 when he married my mom Dec 1960. They had a daughter, Bambi Lynn on Feb 10, 1962. Donald had enlisted in the Air Force was stationed in California , leaving my mom here to raise their daughter alone.
Donald wasn’t the greatest of husbands. Tho he never abused my mom, he was an alcoholic and a huge flirt with other women. Unfortunately, Donald was killed by a drunk driver while crossing the street in California, leaving my mom a widow at 24.
Mom did her best to raise us.. she worked 40 plus hours as a manager/meat cutter of a local store. There were days she would leave by 7am and not get home until 8pm. She was exhausted but always put our needs above her own. She always had tuesdays off and that’s was reserved for the 3 of us! We would go bowling then out to dinner at the Glenmor restaurant. Bambi always had a burger/fries and I had the fried clams/fries. In the summertime, Grampa and mom would take us to the Kennebunk drive in to see a Disney double feature . Mom and Bambi would pass out in the back of the station wagon while Grampa and I ate popcorn and watched both movies.
Mom dated from time to time. No one really stuck around and that was ok with me.. I didn’t know any different. I had everything I needed and was happy. When I was 4, mom was set up on a date with the cousin of one of her coworkers. He was unlike any other boyfriend she had. He was hard working, educated, loved my mom and loved us kids. They married in 1975 and had my youngest sister Rebecca Ann Feb 5, 1977
Mom had found happiness when she married Dad.. She was a stay at home mom/wife and took her job very seriously. While dad worked from sun rise to sun set, he never had worry about what was happening at home. Mom had it under control! Washing, ironing, cooking, raising the 3 of us, taking care of my grandparents who lived with us etc etc. she was non stop!
In 1980, she was taken to the ER because of severe leg swelling and pain. They ran tests and found cancer in her cervix. She was told she only had 3-6 months to live. She told the doctor that she had responsibilities at home and she wasn’t planning on dying any time soon. She checked herself out of Goodall Hospital, called my dad to come pick her up and went to Maine medical for treatments. It was a difficult time for me . I was 12, taking care of a 3 year old, taking care of a set of useless grandparents and trying to make sure the house was clean and dinner made for dad. Bambi was married and living in Somersworth NH so she wasn’t any help. I did the best I could and I know she and Dad appreciated it. Mom was fussy on how other people cleaned. After being gone for what seemed like forever, she finally came home!! She was weak and tired but could still bark out orders! Ha ha ha! I had made plans to hang out with my friend Cindy a couple days after mom was home. Dad took Becky to Grammy and Grampa Skinner’s house for the day so mom could have some time to recoup. Cindy showed up at the house on her bike and came inside. Well one thing lead to another and before we knew it, Mom had us deep cleaning the house! Mom was being a dictator.. “don’t forget over there.” “Oops you missed a spot.” “No girls, you don’t do it that way”. We were exhausted by the end of the day and I don’t remember if we hung out after or Cindy went home.. I learned how to properly clean a house that day.. 🤦♀️
Fast forward to 1999…. Mom was very sick. She thought she had pneumonia because she could hardly breathe. I took her to the doctor and they did a chest X-ray. She was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. Mom had smoked since she was 13 and was smoking over 2 packs a day. The pulmonologist came in after the biopsy and told mom that she had a 5% chance of surviving this. She smiled and told the doctor at least she had 5%. Mom was strong willed and stubborn. No matter how sick she felt or run down, she never ever complained
Mom had beaten cancer twice, a ruptured appendix, a perforated bowel, a total hip replacement, many-many kidney infections, a colostomy, 2 nephrostomy tubes, a cardiac stent, and a broken shoulder twice. With all this, mom still faced every day with a strong positive attitude.
Mom loved her family so much. Besides Bambi, Becky and myself, mom and dad (unofficially) adopted our newest sister Sohka.. Sohka was best friends with Becky in high school. She had come to the US with her sister from Cambodia in the 80’s and had lost her parents. Mom and Dad had decided to step in and adopted her into our family..
In 2010, mom’s world came crashing down. Bambi had passed away from a blood clot that dislodged in her body and instantly killed her while she was sleeping. She was only 48. Mom had lost so much in her life but losing her daughter was devastating..
As years passed on, Mom started to lose her train of thought due to the many kidney infections. She was weaker, losing weight, forgetting certain details, repeating stories, falling and was spending more time in the hospital. In March of 2018, Mom was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer again and possible liver cancer. Mom wanted to pursue chemo again but the Doctor decided mom needed to go to rehab to get stronger. The wheelchair ambulance came and I could see the fear in her eyes. She held my hand while she held back the tears. I told her she could do this!! She had the will power before and by god she’ll do it again. My mom always said “This too shall pass” . When life was rough, she would smile and say those words. Dad and I met her over to St. Andres in Biddeford and got her settled in. She was determined to come home and for the first couple of weeks, she was getting physical therapy and make some real progress. Dad would come every day at 6:45am and leave by 1pm. I would be there every night by 6:45 , visit, put her to bed and leave by 9. This one particular evening, mom seemed alert and had wanted to sit up a while longer. I kissed her good night and left. I got home 20 mins later and my phone rang. It was Dad. The rehab had called . They found mom on the floor with her nephrostomy tubes pulled out of her kidneys. She was being taken to the hospital for observation and to have the tubes put back in. After that fall, mom was never the same again .
Every day , she longed to go home! She would make plans to buy lobster and invite me over. She would talk about getting her hair done at the Hair shop in North Berwick . Mom always had her hair dyed and curled. Even in her weakness, she wanted to hair her hair done. Dad made arrangements with the hair dresser at the rehab and mom was able to get her hair done! She was so happy ❤️
On June 26, 2018, Mom passed away surrounded by her husband, her daughters , her grandchildren and son in law.
She didn’t want people to be sad. She had lived a full life and wanted to be remembered as a good person. The night she passed, I vowed to be with her until the funeral home came to take her. I bathed her, dressed her in a clean Johnny, I brushed her hair and made her look her best. I didn’t want to leave her.. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. She was my world.. my shoulder to lean on and the 1 person who understood me. Dad had promised her she wouldn’t have a funeral. She wanted to be cremated and her ashes brought up into the woods to her favorite spot.
When dad and I went to the funeral home, Missy told us that we should have something like a Family gathering to say good bye and have closure. Dad wasn’t sure because he knew mom wouldn’t want a fuss but I decided we would throw a birthday party/ family reunion..
August 5, 2018, my uncle, my dad, sister and her husband, my cousins and their partners, my children, my grandsons, my husband , niece and her family travelled near and far to help celebrate Mom.
It’s been 2 years since she left this world. A dear friend told me once “life becomes different when you lose your mom”.. The world will never been the same. I have bad days and good days. There are days I just want to pick up the phone and ask her a cooking question or I’ll be in Goodwill and think “wish mom was here.”
Happy Birthday Mom❤️. I miss you so much
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